One Morning In The Office Take 12

Aside

One Morning in the office is a thread on Goodreads

No longer @realDonaldTrump

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“This way Mr. President”
“I know the way, I was Vice-President for eight years you know.”
“Yes, Sir, Sorry Sir”
“Why are all these ramps here?”
“Disability access ramps, Sir”
“I know what they are why are they here?”
“Your predecessor stated you may need them given your advancing years and so on.”
“What?”
Spoken louder “YOUR PREDECESSOR..”
“Why are you shouting?”
“Your predecesso…”
“You mean Trump.”
“We’re not allowed to say his name Sir, we had instructions from Vice President, I mean former Vice President Pence, to not allow his name to be mentioned.”
“Why were you shouting?”
“We were told you may be hard of hearing due to your ….”
“I’m not hard of hearing and I’m not in a wheelchair”
“But you are older than…”
“Enough!” They enter the famous room. “At last the Oval office.”
“We decorated as you wished Sir, the busts and pictures have been changed – caused quite some commotion with your prede..”
Scowl from new President
“… I mean President Trump as he had some other busts he wanted to keep.”
“Best we don’t go into that.”
“No Sir, his letter is on the desk.”
“The one with the postmark from Moscow.”
“Yes Sir, special delivery.”

The President sits behind the desk and surveys the Oval Office. He scans the room with a small smile of satisfaction on his face, before his vision alights on a board on one wall.

“What’s that?”
“For you Sir to help.”
“Isn’t that a picture of my wife?”
“Yes Sir, in case you forget.”
How dare you! I know who my wife is”
“At the moment Sir, this is in case it gets worse.”
“What gets worse?”
“Your dementia, Sir”
“What dementia?”
“Have you forgotten already?”
“I do not have Dementia!”
“Your predece…”
“Damn my predecessor!” Takes deep breath. “Who’s the Black Lady in the photo’s”
“Your VP Sir.”
“I have a black female VP?”
“Yes Sir, don’t you remember you were elected with her.”
“The one on the capital steps?”
“Yes Sir at the inauguration.”
“Didn’t recognise her without her mask. Where is she?”
“Managing the Senate and drawing up your first executive orders. They should be here later this morning. She sent instructions to make sure you have your afternoon nap and I have to disconnect the hot line.”
“The Moscow hot line?”
“No, Sir the Deliveroo and MacDonald fast order hotline. We missed it during your prede… Mr Trumps departure. It’s that one next to the pictures of all your staff.”
The President attempts to change the TV Channel”What’s wrong with this TV I can’t change the channel from Fox?”
“All the other channels were disabled Sir.”
“Change it.”
“Yes Sir”
“And get rid of this” He pulls a book from a drawer
“What is it?”
“The Dummies Guide to Tweeting….”

One Morning In The Office Take 11

Aside

One Morning in the Office @realDonaldTrump Goodreads full comments

“Mr President, Mr President?”
Silence
“Mr President, where are you?”
Muffled, “Under the desk.”
“Sir, why are you under the desk?”
“I’m not leaving.”
“No, Sir you have until January.”
“I’m not leaving ever!”
“Sir, I have your Big Mac extra large, you can eat it at your desk.” With a huff of compliance the 45th President of the United States of America take his seat behind the Oval Office desk.  “Sir, FLOTUS says, that you can’t come back to the private apartments until you have a shower.”
“I’m not leaving the Office of President. The election was stolen I tell you stolen.”
“Yes Sir, we know Sir, Mr. Giuliani has told us all that it was stolen and to make sure we say it too.”
Through munching of Big Mac “Good man Rudi, Great Man, Greatest lawyer ever just great.”
“Yes SIr, I’m sure Sir. Just One thing on the Councillor….”
“What? Not that movie again?”
“No Sir, Mr Cohen, is not involved.”
“Who’s Cohen not my old lawyer? He’s in jail isn’t he?”
“No Sir, he’s out, that’s Michael Cohen the movie is Mr Sasha Baron Cohen
“He’s a Baron?”
“No, that’s his name?”
“I thought it was Borat”
“That’s his character Sir, we are somewhat off the point.”
“I’ll get Boris to lock him up. worked for Hilary!”
“It didn’t… never mind. The Prime Minister cannot lock him up.”
“We got Assange locked up.”
“Not quite but back to the point?”
“You’re spoiling my Big Mac going to need another one of these.”
“Yes Sir, the third one this morning will, be here shortly. Where was I?”
“Told you we should have put a franchise in the Rose Garden who needs a rose garden anyway?”
“Sir. Mr. Giuliani is being sued by a Porn emporium.”
“I wasn’t there, I never touched her, she signed an NDA, she…”
“Sir not you!”
“Told you., told you, where’s my burger?
“You’ve eaten it,” sigh, “the next one will be here in,” checking phone, ” five minutes according to Deliveroo. Shall I continue?”
“Has Vlad or XI called?”
“No Sir.”  Sound of sobbing.
“I miss them.”
“Yes Sir, Mr. Giuliani is being sued for defamation.”
“What? In the car lot even I didn’t get the…”
“Sir defamation not defaca… I mean Sir, The Porn store not star are upset about being called a video shop. Video shops are dead Sir. They feel their sales will be affected so they are suing. The Four Seasons….”
“Lousy hotel chain not like Trump hotels, greatest hotels ever great just great…”
“The Four Seasons Landscape Gardeners are also suing for failing to get a permit for a press conference on their parking lot.
“Is that it?”
“Not quite Sir. Defence Sir.”
“Have they got my barbed wire?”
“About that SIr?”
“I fired that idiot Esper for not getting it. I’m good at firing and tweeting and firing and…”
“Sir, Mr Esper left because as he told you you are not permitted to surround the Oval Office with barbed wire and mines ”
“Why not I’m the President I can do what I want. I can fire Congress if I want, send in troops launch the nuclear thingies…”
Sound of door knocking, mumbled “Thank God,” More loudly, “Sir your next Big Mac.”
“Oh great just great the greatest burgers in the world for the greatest President…”
“Sir, Ivanka says that you can have her lollipop if you do the Warp Speed Press Conference.”
“It’s a deal as soon as I’ve finished this Big Mac I like talking about Star Trek.”
“Yes Sir. Whilst you eat that these two men are just going to take some carpet measurements.”
“Are we getting new carpets?”
“No Sir the next President is.”

One Morning In The Office Take 10

Aside

One Morning in The Office  @realDonaldTrump Goodreads full comments

Zoom Video Conference – hacked recording…
Vlad: “Are we all here?”
Xi: “Yes Comrade Chairman, I mean friend.”
Assad: “Where’s Kim?”
Xi: “He’s on mute again”
Vlad: “Permanently?”
Xi: “No one knows.”
Don: “Hey Xi, like the hat and full protective face mask – I thought the fake virus was over in China?”
Xi: “It is but I like wearing it Don, I see you have your usual baseball cap.”
Don: “It’s a great hat for a great…”
Vlad: “Stop the crap about hats everyone. This is serious.”
Group: “Sorry Vlad…”
Assad: “But Vlad you told us to get hew hats.”
Vlad: “Assad you numbskull I said a new hard hat for the air raids next week.”
Assad: “What air raids?”
Vlad: “The ones Erdogan is arranging .”
Assad: “But we are all friends now.”
Vlad: “We have to keep COVID off the news.”
Don: “Fake news.”
Vlad: “Not now Don.”
Don: “Sorry Vlad.”
Vlad: “Agenda gentlemen agenda and don’t all speak at once like last time. Don, what’s the progress with Biden.”
Don: “He hasn’t got it.”
Vlad:”Why not?”
Don: “He’s taking precautions.”
Vlad: “But you’ve lifted the lock down like I told you.”
Don: “Yes of course.”
Vlad: “Why didn’t he drink the bleach, Kim did claimed he was testing the theory.”
Xi: “Numbskull”
Vlad: “No need for insults Xi.”
Xi: “Sorry Vlad.”
Vlad “Don?”
Don: “I’m not allowed to mention bleach again.”
V;ad: “By whom?”
Don: “Ivanka, she is upset that there is no toilet cleaner left in the White House.”
Xi: (laughing) “Another shortage in USA?”
Don: “Yes, but since we stopped Rudi writing confessions on Toilet paper that situation has improved.”
Vlad: “Small victories.”
“Yes Vlad, I am planning on mentioning at today’s TV briefing.”
All: “No more briefings!!!!!”
After 30 mins of ring tones and 12 menu options the Whitehouse switchboard puts a call through….
“Twitter help desk, how can I help?”
“Stop deleting my Tweets”
“I’m sorry sir, i just need to ask some security questions before we can look into any technical issues for you. Can i get your name and Twitter ID?”
“The real Donald Trump” sound of lines being transferred….
“Twitter help desk how may I help you please answer in a clear voice after I run through the selections you are two thousand and eighty four in the queue, if your call is about Vladamir Putin please press 1 or say yes after the tone.” Beep
“Vald? Why Vlad?”
“You are now 3465 in the queue, if your call is about Vladamir Putin please press 1 or say yes after the tone.” Beep
“No, I mean 2”
“You’re through to President Xi’s hotline chat support queue there are 7 million 419 thousand ahead in the line from Honk Kong wishing to verbally pass on Twitter congratulations to President Xi”
“I mean one I meant one”
“Vlad’s line how can I help?”
“Someone is deleting my tweets.”
“and”
“I need my tweets”
“Sir are your tweets in favour of or against our great leader Vladamir Putin?/”
“Neither, look I’m the President of the United States and i will ban you if you don’t help.”
“Sir if you ban us you won’t be able to tweet.”
“OK I won’t ban you I’ll just tweet that I will.”
“SIr, we will fact check that tweet and delete as needed.”
“Is there someone else I can talk to like a supervisor or someone?”
“One moment Sir I’ll transfer you.”
“You’re through to President Xi’s hotline chat support queue there are 7 million 419 thousand ahead in the line wishing to verbally pass on Twitter congratulations to President Xi”
Dial tone….
“Mr. President, Sir?”
“Yes what is it? Where are you?”
“Down here Sir. Your latest internal memo to staff.”
“What about it?”
“Er, I’m….”
“Get on with it I have tweets to write and former advisors to sue.”
“About the new policy, SIr?”
“Yes, yes, the greatest, bestest, biggest, policy ever, I will make America great again.”
“Yes, Sir, but can I just check a few things.”
“Of course my door is always open except whet its not and no telling anyone what we talked about. By the way where’s my coffee?”
“That’s the problem Sir.”
:What! We’ve run out of coffee? I though I ordered 500 cases at the start of the lockdown.”
“You did Sir, they are in the Situation Room for safe keeping.”
“So where’s my coffee.”
“Sir, it’s the memo.”
“What about it.”
“You’ve explicitly told the staff they cannot report what they talk about with you.”
“Of course, great policy , great country we’re great and I’m going to make…”
“Sir! No one can get you a coffee because no one is allowed to discuss with anyone what you said.”
“So you want me to change the policy. I don’t backtrack ever.”
“I know Sir, but its not just the discussions its the requirement to crawl in and out on our knees.”
“Great idea don’t you think?”
“The staff want knee pads Sir but they can’t have them we’re using them all as improvised face masks.”
“For what?”
“You wanted to stop all the kneeling protests so we requisitioned the nation’s supply.”
“See I knew I could stop that protest.”
“If that’s all Sir I’ll go and not get you your coffee now and nothing else I won’t get neither nor discuss write down or record any item of our conversation on pain of a week with John Bolton.”
“Great great I’ll make it all great….”

One Morning In The Office Take 9

One Morning In The Office – a satire @realDonaldTrump

"Vlad, how are you? We haven't chatted in ages. Why are you laughing?"
"Ha, Ha, Ha, Oh Don, Don, Don my friend you are so funny."
"Why? What have I done?"
"Your Tweets of course. Your ability to spread disbelief and confusion are second to none. Even Xi is impressed.
Bashar is getting one of his universities to start teaching it. And Erdoğan is especially impressed."
"He wanted me to withdraw."
"So, did I."
"Well I have."
"Yes a huge success for us."
"I'm protecting American lives."
"Of course you are. Anyway about your impeachment."
"Fake news!"
"This is me Vlad, not some journalist.'
"Sorry."
"A word of advice?"
"What?"
"Cut down the number of people listening to your phone calls."
"Why?"
"They take records."
"Wrong records."
"We have the tapes."
"I dispute them."
"Good that's the right approach. Now, have you seen the new list."
"Which list? You send so many?"
"The list for National Security Advisor and Secretary of State."
"I haven't sacked them yet."
"Not this month. Anyway keep the Ukraine angle going as long as possible and ignore all those security briefings."
"I am. How are the election plans going."
"You don't need to know but our advertising budget is doing well. We've ben actively supporting some Democrats."
"Why?"
"So you can claim interference once they finally decide which id... which candidate to stand against you."
"But won't that help them."
"Only to get Hilary back in the game, I thought you wanted that?"
"Biden may be bigger issue."
"Don't worry about him, we have some more Son stories to leak."
"Good."
"Do you have the interview answers for your next UK interview."
"Why another UK one?"
"They are having another election."
"I thought that was Israel, Bennie asked for my support."
"We may have to let Ben go."
"Why?"
"Haven't you seen the news. He may get locked up."
"But I haven't asked for that."
"Has anyone you wanted to be locked up actually been locked up?"
"No."
"Has anyone you didn't want locked up been locked up?"
"Yes."
"You really need to get a grip on the legal system there. I thought Ruddi was working on that."
"He's got bogged down in Ukraine."
"I know how he feels."

One Morning In The Office Take 8

One Morning In The Office – a satire @realDonaldTrump

“Sir, you asked for the preprepared national Emergency speeches.”

Thanks, “I’ll rehearse them now – want them to sound punchy.”

“It’s a national emergency. The USA is being attacked I tell you. It’s whole way of life is under threat and the wall is the only thing that will stop it…”

“Thought I had done that one.”

“You have Mr President.”

“OK…

  1. The whole country is being attacked I tell you a cabal of federal investigators is destroying the nation and needs to be stopped I have ordered the National Guard to deploy to Quantico to prevent the FBI invading Washington
  2. The whole country is being attacked I tell you. Swarms of Iranian troops are at this moment tunnelling from Persia into our territory and our only option is to build a wall across the Atlantic to prevent them getting in – I’ll only need another $500bn
  3. The whole country is being attacked by the vicious press I tell you. I have therefore declared a state of emergency and instructed a new Executive Branch Department reporting directly to me to don their new black uniforms and patrol the offices of all media outlets especially CNN and NYT to ensure that this propaganda is not spread. The alleged ‘journalists’ and their families will be sent for special training in brand new labour camps I am ordering constructed next to suitable rail yards. Thus improving job prospects for hard working Americans everywhere
  4. The whole country is under attack from conspiracy elements inside our major democratic institutions who are refusing to pass the laws this nation needs. I have therefore disbanded Congress and the Senate and ensured our representatives safety by getting them to join the alleged journalists. This will save America Billions”

One Morning In The Office Take 7

One Morning in The Office – a satire @realdonaldtrump

"Welcome back Mr President."
"Good to be back, Air Force One's bed is too small."
"Compared to?"
"All my other beds and the hotels, even the UK Ambassador's residence was bigger."
"Do yo want me to get a bigger bed in Air Force One?"
"I've already told them to do it. The idiots claim they'll have to redesign the 747 or use that big Airbus thing they fly wings in"
"That would please the Europeans but haven't we imposed tariffs on them?"
"Yeah, still if they want me to have it they can pay for it like the wall."
"Sir, the Mexicans aren't paying for the wall. In fact, no one is paying for the wall."
"We're getting if for free?"
"No Sir. We have claimed to have built the walls that were put up in 2006 and California has added a few miles to the fences they put up years ago..."
"Zzzzzzz"
"Sir!" "Sorry I dozed off. Jet lag."
"Sir, what I wanted to ask is, what statement do you want me to put out about your meeting with Vlad."
"Did you check the thes, thees, tess, that dictionary thing?"
"The Thesaurus? Yes Sir.
"And?"
"Sir, would, would not, could, could not, should and should not, all have different meanings."
"You're sure?"
"I have it here if you want to read it?"
"Not fake news?"
"No, Sir."
"What about wouldn't and would?"
"They are opposites Sir."
"Damn, what now?"
"You'll have to apologise Sir or say you made a mistake."
"Out of context?"
"It's recorded Sir."
"Damn.... Still I can re-tweet something else afterwards, get the press running around in circles again."
"Even Fox were concerned."
"Give them another interview like we did with that British paper, that went well."
"You mean directly contradict what you said on audio and video after the event."
"Just like with Vlad. Anything from him?"
"Only the note about the extra service in the Helsinki hotel."
"What extra services?"
"The same as the Moscow hotel, it's on your preference list for that chain. The Secret Service would not let them in."
"Who told them to do that. I needed some relaxation these summits are hard."
"Remember Sir it was not a summit just a meeting to improve relations."
"Great success."
"With whom Sir?"
"All my meetings were a success."
"NATO, the UK, Germany, the EU?"
"All went perfectly. They all agreed to do what I told them."
"I'm not sure they think that."
"They don't matter. I've won the war in Syria, kicked out those Irises..."
"ISIS, Sir, Irises are flowers."
"You sure? Anyway, wall is going up, got the tax cuts done my poll ratings are up..."
"Actually they are not up."
"...Economy is great I did it all."
"Of course you did Sir."
"Who says different?"
"No one would dare Sir."
"You been watching that fake news again."
"No Sir. I read the Intelligence service brief and the report from the Federal Reserve. Mr Mueller is still investigating."
"Fake News, Fake News, Fake News. Vlad and Xi are happy."
"Actually Xi is not happy about the new sanctions."
"Why not." "He wants a bigger cut. So does Kim."
"Nice fella', A bit short. No dice, it's my deal take it or leave it. I got NATO to increase spending by buying American weapons."
"I don't think they actually agreed to that."
"I did. I tweeted that so it must be true."
"Yes Sir. There's another problem with one of your former er... acquaintances."
"Which one?"
"Karen McDougal, she was a Playboy Model."
"Which one?"
"Sir? Cohen had a tape of you and he discussing a payment to her?"
"A tape?"
"Yes Sir and the FBI have it now."
"Check that Thesaurus thing again on would and wouldn't."
"Yes Sir, anything else? I have to go and testify to the Grand Jury again."
"Yeah, more important things, can't Boeing build a bigger bed?" "Sir????" 

One Morning In The Office Take 6

One Morning In The Office – a satire @realdonaldtrump

"Who the hell are you?"
"I'm the cleaner Mr. President."
"Where is everyone?"
"Who, Sir?"
"Sean, Reince, Michael, even that Comey fella?"
"I'm not sure I am the right one to ask?"
"You're part of my staff aren't you, you should know."
"Actually my Great Leader pays for me to be here."
"So I can't fire you."
"You could but Mr. Putin would not be happy."
"Vlad sent you, to be my cleaner?"
"No, it was agreed at the meeting. I'm a Russian orphan you have helped into the country."
"But your nearly 60?"
"Both my parents are dead."
"I think that qualifies then. So where is every one?"
"Who Sir?
"Sean and the rest of them?"
"You fired them Sir."
"I'm good at that had a TV show did you watch it?"
"I preferred the British version."
"There's a British version?"
"Yes a Mr. Sugar runs it."
"You're making it up."
"No Sir it's on the BBC and Cable."
"Not Fox?"
"No. Look, should I get someone for you to talk to? Our Great Leader will want me to report back on something not just our chat."
"Is there anyone else?"
"Your new Communications Director."
"Remind me..."
"Anthony Scaramucci."
"Er..."
"I'll go get him Sir. Your new chief of staff will be over soon too."
"Who's that?"
"John Kelly, he's a general."
"I thought I fired the general."
"This is a different one."
"I have more than one?"
"You have many generals. Mr President, but it's a state secret how many."
"I'm the President you can tell me."
"I mean a Russian State Secret- I would have to ask our other Great Leader."
"Don't bother Vlad."
"I think Xi has the latest count."
"Good man Xi. So where is Anthony Scara, Scar erm..."
"He's sorting out the lot Sir."
"The what?"
"He's offering a special opening day sale, using the White House lawn; nice balloons."
"Selling what?"
"American cars I believe. He's got a latino couple in at the moment trying to get them to take the limo' with all the trimmings."
"Has he checked their immigration status?"
"I'm sure he will, after he has the money."
"Good man."
"Was there anything else Mr. President only I need to see my doctor?"
"No as long as you have finished tidying up. You get health care with this role?"
"No Mr. President but thanks to you I still have ObamaCare."
"What!"

http://www.latimes.com/projects/la-na-pol-trump-firings-resignations/

One Morning In The Office Take 5

One Morning In The Office – a satire @realdonaldtrump

"Vlad?"
"Don! How are you? Sacked any more Directors yet?"
"Give me time."
"I've told you time is of the essence don't give them time to think,
change continuously."
"I know, I know... Is that why you sent me the guide?"
"Yes I've updated from last year Kim Sung made some amendments."
"I admire him for one so young."
"He had good training, like Assad, you really should meet up."
"I can't with Assad I just bombed his base."
"I know still nothing damaged and you did warn us first so
I could tell him."
"Shhhh the FBI may be listening?"
"So what you have dealt with them now."
"No, not quite the temporary one is being nasty about me in congress
implying I was wrong."
"Then fire him too, or really terminate - its what the rest of us do."
"That reminds me, on page two of the guide it says
I should assassinate some journalists after I have removed the heads
of police."
"Yes you need to adapt for your own terminology but get rid
of a few journo's and the rest come into line."
"I noticed and Erdogan recommended the same."
"He's following the same programme, we'll soon have it all sorted."
"Shame about Marie."
"Yes and after the Dutch fiasco."
"The hack was too late."
"I've had the head of the team shot for the timing."
"If only I had your control."
"Back to the FBI, send them in armed and have accidental
shooting with terrorism connections always works.
Schools, cinemas, underground stations, all works and adds up."
"I know you are right. What's next on the agenda."
"Germany."
"Is she the short fat one?"
"Yes, but don't worry about her we still have the Stasi files."
"What did she do?"
"Nothing you have to worry about Don. Not as bad as the hotel..."
"You said you would not mention those again."
"Ha Ha just winding you up old friend. Xi says Hi by the way."
"I owe him a call need to coordinate message when
Kim does his next test."
"Will it fail?"
"We have not agreed yet. Now South Korea is coming on line
maybe we should postpone."
"No don't do that we need to keep the tension up.
I wish Kim had agreed to that limited strike idea."
"He needs to learn from Assad too.
Got to keep some world opinion on side."
"You are too soft Don, I'll get Ivanka to give you a rub down."
"Will she?"
"Anything for you Don you know that but
ease off on Twitter it makes you look silly."
"OK Vlad and thanks for the guide."

One Morning In The Office Take 4

One Morning In The Office – a satire @realdonaldtrump

"Morning Mr. President"
"Morning Sean"
"Here's the list Rex sent"
"What list?"
"The one you asked for with the countries you haven't insulted or accused yet."
"But there's only one sheet of paper and there's only two countries listed that's if Burkina Faso is a country?"
"I'm told it is Sir."
"Who by?"
"The State Department."
"And you believed them, you sure their not making it up?"
"I checked with Andrew Napolitano at Fox, he say's he's heard of it. South America he thinks."
"We didn't campaign there."
"No Mr. President, South America the continent not south of the USA even though it is, south of the USA I mean."
"Are you trying to hoodwink me?"
"No Sir, I do need to check because I thought it was in Africa."
"You mean we don't know where the country is, what sort of state did Obama let this country get into.
Find it out immediately we can't just lose the location of a country!"
"I don't think it's moved at all."
"Why not? It can move if I want it too. I'm President, Vlad moves bits of countries all the time."
"He does not move them Sir he just annexes bits of territory. In Georgia and the Ukraine."
"He can't have Georgia we have the Masters there."
"The nation Sir not the US State."
"There's a difference?"
"Sir?"
"Never mind, so what do we do with this Faso?"
"We can accuse them of harbouring a GCHQ listening post that was used to bug Trump Tower, maybe expel some diplomats."
"Sounds good, get to it."
"I can't I mean we can't Sir."
"Why not?"
"We promised the Brits we would not mention GCHQ again or accuse them of spying on you, you told Theresa May you would not nor the NSA."
"Remind me, is Theresa the one I met this week the short dumpy one who spoke a foreign language?"
"No Sir, that was Angela Merkel the German Chancellor, she wanted to hold your hand like Theresa did."
"But she was foreign and somehow she got in the country despite my Immigration order."
"Germany is not on the order Sir."
"But she is foreign?"
"Most people are Sir."
"Not Americans."
"We best not get into that."
"Now Sir I have your daily security briefing, do you want the one from the NSA or your usual one from Fox News."
"Can't believe the NSA one its all fake news and tell them I'm upset by them failing to confirm Andrew's story."
"I have Sir."
"Good, I'll look at it after Sesame Street, who is left on the list? What's the USSR?"
"Oh that's just Vlad, he suggested he bring back the old name, a traditional branding opportunity his marketing folk have said."
"Clever, I like it so we don't have to insult the USSR."
"No Sir, we do not Russia but the USSR that justifies us increasing defence spending."
"BUt if the USSR doesn't exist we're insulting no one?"
"Exactly Sir."
"How are we gonna pay for it all, I mean we don't get enough in tax."
"No Sir some people have not paid tax in decades."
"It's the American way Sean, I'm not stupid."
"No Sir, very clever. I may have a way out."
"What?"
"Well according to the State Department Briefing Burkina Faso get some US Aid, we can withdraw it."
"Great and we have an excuse as they have been spying on us, we can call it unnamed agencies used the
place to coordinate spying activity. That won't upset the Angela."
"That's Theresa and very good Sir."
"What can we spend the money on instead."
"A missile."
"How many?"
"Just one Sir a Hellfire I think. we only gave them a couple of million last year."
"Too much, I paid more than that in tax."
"No you didn't Sir."
"That's because I'm clever."
"Yes you are Sir."

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/mar/17/white-house-will-not-be-repeat-claims-gchq-spied-trump-

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2017/mar/17/donald-trump-angela-merkel-no-handshake-video

http://us-foreign-aid.insidegov.com/q/26/1590/How-much-money-does-the-U-S-give-to-Burkina-Faso

One Morning In The Office Take 3

One Morning In The Office

@realdonaldtrump

"Mr. President great news."
"What's happened?"
"A judge ruled in our favour."
"About time, so the new Exec order is OK then."
"Not quite, there's one problem."
"What now?"
"It's the same judge."
"The same one?"
"Yeah the one you called an idiot and anti-democratic."
"Did I say that?"
"You did."
"Was I on oath?"
"Nope"
"Shame I could deny it then, the AG did."
"We're working on the statement now."
"Try - we're always supportive of the legal process."
"But that's not true."
"And your point is?"