One Morning In The Office Take 11

Silence

“Mr President, where are you?”

Muffled, “Under the desk.”

“Sir, why are you under the desk?”

“I’m not leaving.”
“No, Sir you have until January.”
“I’m not leaving ever!”

“Sir, I have your Big Mac extra large, you can eat it at your desk.” With a huff of compliance the 45th President of the United States of America take his seat behind the Oval Office desk. “Sir, FLOTUS says, that you can’t come back to the private apartments until you have a shower.”
“I’m not leaving the Office of President. The election was stolen I tell you stolen.”
“Yes Sir, we know Sir, Mr. Giuliani has told us all that it was stolen and to make sure we say it too.”
Through munching of Big Mac “Good man Rudi, Great Man, Greatest lawyer ever just great.”

“Yes SIr, I’m sure Sir. Just One thing on the Councillor….”

“What? Not that movie again?”

“No Sir, Mr Cohen, is not involved.”
“Who’s Cohen not my old lawyer? He’s in jail isn’t he?”

“No Sir, he’s out, that’s Michael Cohen the movie is Mr Sasha Baron Cohen

“He’s a Baron?”

“No, that’s his name?”

“I thought it was Borat”
“That’s his character Sir, we are somewhat off the point.”
“I’ll get Boris to lock him up. worked for Hilary!”

“It didn’t… never mind. The Prime Minister cannot lock him up.”
“We got Assange locked up.”

“Not quite but back to the point?”

“You’re spoiling my Big Mac going to need another one of these.”
“Yes Sir, the third one this morning will, be here shortly. Where was I?”
“Told you we should have put a franchise in the Rose Garden who needs a rose garden anyway?”
“Sir. Mr. Giuliani is being sued by a Porn emporium.”
“I wasn’t there, I never touched her, she signed an NDA, she…”
“Sir not you!”
“Told you., told you, where’s my burger?
“You’ve eaten it,” sigh, “the next one will be here in,” checking phone, ” five minutes according to Deliveroo. Shall I continue?”

“Has Vlad or XI called?”
“No Sir.” Sound of sobbing.

“I miss them.”
“Yes Sir, Mr. Giuliani is being sued for defamation.”
“What? In the car lot even I didn’t get the…”
“Sir defamation not defaca… I mean Sir, The Porn store not star are upset about being called a video shop. Video shops are dead Sir. They feel their sales will be affected so they are suing. The Four Seasons….”
“Lousy hotel chain not like Trump hotels, greatest hotels ever great just great…”
“The Four Seasons Landscape Gardeners are also suing for failing to get a permit for a press conference on their parking lot.
“Is that it?”
“Not quite Sir. Defence Sir.”
“Have they got my barbed wire?”
“About that SIr?”
“I fired that idiot Esper for not getting it. I’m good at firing and tweeting and firing and…”
“Sir, Mr Esper left because as he told you you are not permitted to surround the Oval Office with barbed wire and mines ”
“Why not I’m the President I can do what I want. I can fire Congress if I want, send in troops launch the nuclear thingies…”
Sound of door knocking, mumbled “Thank God,” More loudly, “Sir your next Big Mac.”
“Oh great just great the greatest burgers in the world for the greatest President…”
“Sir, Ivanka says that you can have her lollipop if you do the Warp Speed Press Conference.”
“It’s a deal as soon as I’ve finished this Big Mac I like talking about Star Trek.”
“Yes Sir. Whilst you eat that these two men are just going to take some carpet measurements.”

“Are we getting new carpets?”
“No Sir the next President is.”