One Morning in The Office – a satire @realdonaldtrump
"Welcome back Mr President." "Good to be back, Air Force One's bed is too small." "Compared to?" "All my other beds and the hotels, even the UK Ambassador's residence was bigger." "Do yo want me to get a bigger bed in Air Force One?" "I've already told them to do it. The idiots claim they'll have to redesign the 747 or use that big Airbus thing they fly wings in" "That would please the Europeans but haven't we imposed tariffs on them?" "Yeah, still if they want me to have it they can pay for it like the wall." "Sir, the Mexicans aren't paying for the wall. In fact, no one is paying for the wall." "We're getting if for free?" "No Sir. We have claimed to have built the walls that were put up in 2006 and California has added a few miles to the fences they put up years ago..." "Zzzzzzz" "Sir!" "Sorry I dozed off. Jet lag." "Sir, what I wanted to ask is, what statement do you want me to put out about your meeting with Vlad." "Did you check the thes, thees, tess, that dictionary thing?" "The Thesaurus? Yes Sir. "And?" "Sir, would, would not, could, could not, should and should not, all have different meanings." "You're sure?" "I have it here if you want to read it?" "Not fake news?" "No, Sir." "What about wouldn't and would?" "They are opposites Sir." "Damn, what now?" "You'll have to apologise Sir or say you made a mistake." "Out of context?" "It's recorded Sir." "Damn.... Still I can re-tweet something else afterwards, get the press running around in circles again." "Even Fox were concerned." "Give them another interview like we did with that British paper, that went well." "You mean directly contradict what you said on audio and video after the event." "Just like with Vlad. Anything from him?" "Only the note about the extra service in the Helsinki hotel." "What extra services?" "The same as the Moscow hotel, it's on your preference list for that chain. The Secret Service would not let them in." "Who told them to do that. I needed some relaxation these summits are hard." "Remember Sir it was not a summit just a meeting to improve relations." "Great success." "With whom Sir?" "All my meetings were a success." "NATO, the UK, Germany, the EU?" "All went perfectly. They all agreed to do what I told them." "I'm not sure they think that." "They don't matter. I've won the war in Syria, kicked out those Irises..." "ISIS, Sir, Irises are flowers." "You sure? Anyway, wall is going up, got the tax cuts done my poll ratings are up..." "Actually they are not up." "...Economy is great I did it all." "Of course you did Sir." "Who says different?" "No one would dare Sir." "You been watching that fake news again." "No Sir. I read the Intelligence service brief and the report from the Federal Reserve. Mr Mueller is still investigating." "Fake News, Fake News, Fake News. Vlad and Xi are happy." "Actually Xi is not happy about the new sanctions." "Why not." "He wants a bigger cut. So does Kim." "Nice fella', A bit short. No dice, it's my deal take it or leave it. I got NATO to increase spending by buying American weapons." "I don't think they actually agreed to that." "I did. I tweeted that so it must be true." "Yes Sir. There's another problem with one of your former er... acquaintances." "Which one?" "Karen McDougal, she was a Playboy Model." "Which one?" "Sir? Cohen had a tape of you and he discussing a payment to her?" "A tape?" "Yes Sir and the FBI have it now." "Check that Thesaurus thing again on would and wouldn't." "Yes Sir, anything else? I have to go and testify to the Grand Jury again." "Yeah, more important things, can't Boeing build a bigger bed?" "Sir????"