One Morning In The Office – a satire @realdonaldtrump
"Morning Mr. President" "Morning Sean" "Here's the list Rex sent" "What list?" "The one you asked for with the countries you haven't insulted or accused yet." "But there's only one sheet of paper and there's only two countries listed that's if Burkina Faso is a country?" "I'm told it is Sir." "Who by?" "The State Department." "And you believed them, you sure their not making it up?" "I checked with Andrew Napolitano at Fox, he say's he's heard of it. South America he thinks." "We didn't campaign there." "No Mr. President, South America the continent not south of the USA even though it is, south of the USA I mean." "Are you trying to hoodwink me?" "No Sir, I do need to check because I thought it was in Africa." "You mean we don't know where the country is, what sort of state did Obama let this country get into. Find it out immediately we can't just lose the location of a country!" "I don't think it's moved at all." "Why not? It can move if I want it too. I'm President, Vlad moves bits of countries all the time." "He does not move them Sir he just annexes bits of territory. In Georgia and the Ukraine." "He can't have Georgia we have the Masters there." "The nation Sir not the US State." "There's a difference?" "Sir?" "Never mind, so what do we do with this Faso?" "We can accuse them of harbouring a GCHQ listening post that was used to bug Trump Tower, maybe expel some diplomats." "Sounds good, get to it." "I can't I mean we can't Sir." "Why not?" "We promised the Brits we would not mention GCHQ again or accuse them of spying on you, you told Theresa May you would not nor the NSA." "Remind me, is Theresa the one I met this week the short dumpy one who spoke a foreign language?" "No Sir, that was Angela Merkel the German Chancellor, she wanted to hold your hand like Theresa did." "But she was foreign and somehow she got in the country despite my Immigration order." "Germany is not on the order Sir." "But she is foreign?" "Most people are Sir." "Not Americans." "We best not get into that." "Now Sir I have your daily security briefing, do you want the one from the NSA or your usual one from Fox News." "Can't believe the NSA one its all fake news and tell them I'm upset by them failing to confirm Andrew's story." "I have Sir." "Good, I'll look at it after Sesame Street, who is left on the list? What's the USSR?" "Oh that's just Vlad, he suggested he bring back the old name, a traditional branding opportunity his marketing folk have said." "Clever, I like it so we don't have to insult the USSR." "No Sir, we do not Russia but the USSR that justifies us increasing defence spending." "BUt if the USSR doesn't exist we're insulting no one?" "Exactly Sir." "How are we gonna pay for it all, I mean we don't get enough in tax." "No Sir some people have not paid tax in decades." "It's the American way Sean, I'm not stupid." "No Sir, very clever. I may have a way out." "What?" "Well according to the State Department Briefing Burkina Faso get some US Aid, we can withdraw it." "Great and we have an excuse as they have been spying on us, we can call it unnamed agencies used the place to coordinate spying activity. That won't upset the Angela." "That's Theresa and very good Sir." "What can we spend the money on instead." "A missile." "How many?" "Just one Sir a Hellfire I think. we only gave them a couple of million last year." "Too much, I paid more than that in tax." "No you didn't Sir." "That's because I'm clever." "Yes you are Sir."